I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.