I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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