It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
