Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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