he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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