have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bring me that man meat
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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