guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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