They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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