i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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