I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
