Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
