Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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