hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
