WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
