anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
