the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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