Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
