I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
