I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
