can we get nightvision for the apartment?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize