He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
