Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
