Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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