the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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