Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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