i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
