if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
