you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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