Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
