i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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