she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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