Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
