I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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