HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
