this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
