Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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