Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
