ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
