I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
