in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
