Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
