you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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