we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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