I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
