Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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