thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
