Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
