party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
