Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
