Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
