Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize