Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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