Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
