you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize