direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
