This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
