dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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