Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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