she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
