operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
