my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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