Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
