I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
