Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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