your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
