i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
