Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
