4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
