If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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