I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
