Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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